Friday

I'm so exhausted.  So much to do, so many letters to turn in and phone calls to return.I'm just going to lay here and watch An Affair to Remember-I hope nobody calls me or comes over.
yesterday I had taken my kids for a walk and I watched them play in the park. Just as we are getting settled down with dinner (OK they were having waffles and I was having left over Chinese food from work.), my Mormon friend comes over-I've been hanging out at the church-but the last few weeks I just want to drink coffee and beer and go to really good concerts-aka be a coffee house intellectual again.  Have coffee and beer with my friends-watch Documentaries.  I was a friend of Unitarian Church for 10 years-and they have a lesbian preacher, and atheists and agnostics and a pagan club and gay couples-I love that- and I know I can go to both churches.  But like I said I think i still cling to the dream that I can have the life with the monogamous "cool" live in boyfriend or friend with benefits. Have all my liberal beliefs and celebrate them-just keep on being a hippie, but in real life the friends and relationships in the past have been fleeting. No one really comes over and hangs out anymore-the pictures and ticket stubs look great, but the second we all get the flu I get dumped in a horrible manor. If I need help when I have surgery or with a move-no one helps.Everybody is just a drinking friend and I want more than that in life.