Monday

Typical. software crashed out at work again. (client systems, not employer). which would be mildly bearable if boss1 was not asking why I had been in client system issues and boss 2 was not making comments about me needing a number (which was in the tool that that was broken).  We had papers with numbers on them, but those were removed.
Lovely night with the kids-we had salads with fruit and chicken. Listening to music and replying to all my electronic stuff. Listening to Late Night on AOL which is always perfect and down tempo and plays across genres. Tomorrow, the kids dad will pick them up for a rare weekday off and I will sit down with my bosses instead of telling people I'm selling them to the gypsies.

Friday

I'm so exhausted.  So much to do, so many letters to turn in and phone calls to return.I'm just going to lay here and watch An Affair to Remember-I hope nobody calls me or comes over.
yesterday I had taken my kids for a walk and I watched them play in the park. Just as we are getting settled down with dinner (OK they were having waffles and I was having left over Chinese food from work.), my Mormon friend comes over-I've been hanging out at the church-but the last few weeks I just want to drink coffee and beer and go to really good concerts-aka be a coffee house intellectual again.  Have coffee and beer with my friends-watch Documentaries.  I was a friend of Unitarian Church for 10 years-and they have a lesbian preacher, and atheists and agnostics and a pagan club and gay couples-I love that- and I know I can go to both churches.  But like I said I think i still cling to the dream that I can have the life with the monogamous "cool" live in boyfriend or friend with benefits. Have all my liberal beliefs and celebrate them-just keep on being a hippie, but in real life the friends and relationships in the past have been fleeting. No one really comes over and hangs out anymore-the pictures and ticket stubs look great, but the second we all get the flu I get dumped in a horrible manor. If I need help when I have surgery or with a move-no one helps.Everybody is just a drinking friend and I want more than that in life.

Before Sunrise: The space between

Before Sunrise (1995) - one of the best film scenes ever

Best part of Before Sunrise

Say Anything (1989)

Yup, I don't think that John Cusack will be standing outside of my bedroom with a boombox anytime soon, so I better concentrate on taking care of myself and not worry about the furture,

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/t/t_s_eliot.html#ixzz1GdXJ4wbP

Sigh

Part of me thinks I should start dating again, but I can't deal with the constant drama. The expectations, the criticism.Having to shave my legs.   I remember when I first started dreaming about dating it was picturing reading  a book cuddled around someone. Going out to eat at coffee shops.Umm out to breakfast.  Not the family and friends thinking I was not good enough or the roommates getting involved.  I don't even want to think about the police coming over-the social workers asking questions.  I would rather hold onto my dream-I picture a Shel Silverstein picture of the old man soaking his feet in dreams. Someone who can make me laugh and listens to something besides top 40. But I'm enjoying much more making new friends, spending time with my kids, settling down in my new life-the rest is unrealistic dream

Harold And Maude - Flower Scene

Romeo and Juliet - I'm Kissing you

I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived.
Willa Cather

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/willa_cather.html#ixzz1GASldTVA

Poem I published in college

I hear you breathing next to me and I know some of the fear can leave.
You've come home early tonight, maybe you'll be sober enough,
so I can tell you how I took the baby for a walk and the fall colors were so beautiful.
I missed You
.
Someday I'll leave you.
Someday, but for now I listen to you breathe